The true nature of desire

How do we keep that spark alive? What happens when someone gets bored? What happens when desire wanes? These questions plague us in our romantic lives. Answers range from “get kinky”, to “just put up with it”, to “move on”.

What is desire, really?

There are two schools of thought in psychology about desire in long-term relationships. Esther Perel wrote Mating in Captivity and she (basically) describes desire as eagerness. John Gottman wrote The Science of Trust and he (basically) describes it as enjoyment. Gottman is a professor emeritus in psychology. Perel is a psychodynamic psychotherapist.

For Perel, we desire the other because we are eager for the new and the mysterious. For Gottman, we desire the other because we enjoy specific, familiar, pleasurable sensations.

As a psychic medium and Spiritualist Minister, I experience desire as a state of consciousness.

A state of consciousness consists of an activation of a certain level of vibrations in our energy body and a release of certain monoamines in our physical body. When this happens, we feel feelings and emotions.

How does desire feel to you?

Do you sometimes crave excitement—and adrenaline (Perel)? Do you sometimes crave comfort—and serotonin (Gottman)? Or is it some delicious combination that sets you adrift in a sea of buzzy, breathless, yearning?

Whatever the mix, the state of consciousness that is desire resides in the 2nd chakra. It vibrates in the second spiritual center as a bright orange color. At least it does when the chakra is clear and healthy.

When desire arises, our sacrum awakens and we want to swing our hips some kinda way and touch someone or smell someone or tell someone we want them—now, and again now, and now, and now, or maybe just forever.

When you’re in the state of desire, take a moment to notice what put you there. And know that it depends more on you than anyone or anything else.