Gosh it's been a while

You might say I’ve been quiet, but I have been feeling it as peace. I hope the holiday season has been peaceful for you, thus far, as well.

If you’ve been feeling lonely because you have a fractured family, or sad because you have an argumentative one, or stressed because you feel you’re falling short of expectations to conjure up something magical, or envious of others’ bounty, you’re not the only one.

A happy holiday season doesn’t come about in the days leading up to an event or party, it comes about through the spiritual work in all the days and weeks and months beforehand; It comes about through recognizing that the mystical heart of the season is forgiveness, compassion, and Love.

This doesn’t mean putting up with abusive friends and family in the name of forgiveness, or exhausting yourself to protect others’ feelings in the name of compassion, or working yourself to the bone to buy gifts in the name of love - it means letting go of the expectations of how life is supposed to look and choosing, in every moment, love rather than fear.

I heard from more than a few people that they were “canceling Christmas” or dreading Hanukah because their kids were behaving badly: talking back, sneaking about to unwrap gifts, refusing to help around the house.

I gave my kids a couple of small gifts each - and they arrived before the celebration days but I gave them to them anyway; with no wrapping but with much good cheer. We didn’t have a party or a feast; we had each other and peace. My kids don’t talk back (yes I have a teenager) or whine or expect anything expensive.

This has come about because all through the year, every day, we choose forgiveness over anger; compassion over fear; love over everything.

For example, I ask my daughter to empty the dishwasher. She says, sure. She doesn’t do it. A few hours later I ask her again in the same tone of voice (who among us hasn’t forgotten to do a chore?) She says, “Oh right!” And I add, “Oh and you know, the litter box needs cleaning too.” She grunts (who among us enjoys cleaning poop?) I smile.

A few hours later she hasn’t moved from her bed - she’s still listening to music with her noise canceling headphones and sketching. I go in to her room and lie down on her bed and pet the cat. She takes off her headphones. I say, “whatcha doing?” She shows me a very cool cartoon she has drawn. I say, “wow that’s excellent - look at that character, and the way you’ve balanced the colors!” She tells me more about it. I kiss her forehead as she leans forward for me to do so. I say, “oh could you clear the dishwasher now? I want to do some cooking.” She says, “Oh yeah.” And she gets right up.

This is how every day goes. We move easily and lovingly around one another. She forgives me, I forgive her. We don’t yell. Ever. She gets annoyed with me, especially in the mornings when she’s grumpy so I give her a hug and stop talking. I get afraid for her when she doesn’t keep up with homework so I tell her that and ask her to share with me her perspective and reasons for choosing not to do it.

We always choose love over anger; in every moment. So, when it comes to the holiday season, we move into it smoothly and peacefully. We put in the spiritual work every day, so these days are gentle for us.

It isn’t always easy, but it’s easier than the pain of altercations, disappointments, and sorrow. And when we keep our minds in the present moment, it’s not overwhelming. One moment follows another and that makes a day and a season and a life.

I’m here for you if you want to practice this stuff, or share your fears and frustrations.

Much love to you!